I’ve noticed this interesting phenomenon in myself. My external appearance of comfort (how comfortable and happy I appear to others in a situation) does not show a linear relationship with my actual stress levels.

  • In a low-stress situation, such as sitting at my desk and writing a blog article, I appear externally very comfortable and happy. An external observer would see a comfortable body posture, somebody reflecting deeply and thoughtfully, perhaps a head bopping along to music, and so on - all the signs of chilling out.
  • In a moderate-stress situation, such as an unfamiliar social situation or a doctor’s appointment, I appear the most stress. I am likely to exhibit fast, shallow breathing, sweating, hunched shoulders, perhaps scanning the physical environment for threats, and so on.
  • In a very high-stress situation, such as an active medical emergency or an extremely loud concert, I am likely to appear very comfortable. I am likely to have a comfortable body posture, to be speaking and making decisions assertively, to be smiling, and so on.

The difference between the low-stress situation and the very high-stress situation is that in the high-stress situation, I can mask my feelings effectively. That is, due to the stakes of the situation (medical emergency = somebody else’s life is in danger; very loud noises = my life is in danger), I can temporarily suspend the processing of my emotions for the purposes of survival. This means that, to an outside observer, I probably look quite comfortable. This phenomenon is described in the literature on how autistic people process emotions, such as the book Self-Care for Autistic People by Megan Anna Neff.

But the inner experience of a low-stress situation and a very high-stress situation is very different! A very high-stress situation would require me to rest for hours, days, or sometimes weeks to recover.

Graph showing a u-shaped relationship between stress and how comfortable I look